Film Analysis: “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind”

The Cinephile Fix

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Every couple of years I stumble upon a film that transcends its traditional entertainment purposes and goes for something more divine, ambitious and philosophical. When a film like this comes along, it reassures me that film is indeed the greatest art form of our time. Movies that had that awe-inspiring effect on me include: “Last Year At Marienbad”, “The Exterminating Angel”, “Persona”, “2001: A Space Odyssey”, “Dark City”, “Enter the Void”, “The Thin Red Line”, “Eyes Wide Shut” and “Synecdoche, New York”. I like to call them life-changers.

The first time I watched Michael Gondry’s “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind” it felt like a life changer. I remember the night I saw it, too. I couldn’t sleep all night due to perpetual thoughts rushing through my head. I used to experience that during the last minutes of an exam I couldn’t finish on time. That night, I needed more…

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Run-Away Luggage

I just wanted you to know
2nd best is no longer good enough
Although let’s pretend it is since you will never be enough for 1st
Also, I just thought I should tell you that you became
Everything you never wanted to be
And you can only redeem yourself
By never being you again

Because you made some mistakes
Being  stubborn enough to stick to your ever changing ways
That meant no one understood
And on the surface that felt pretty good but really
Deep down
It was just to create distance
Since in reality your couldn’t travel far away
You couldn’t just pack up your bags and leave
Even though every bone in your body was dying to be free
You’d already pre-packed everything ready to go
Ready to fly to a place so far away just to start again
Where it wouldn’t matter if you were 2nd or 1st
Because you would never need to compete…
A place where you will be enough
Where the only weight you ever had to carry
Was the burden of a late train
Where you no longer felt like everybody’s luggage

Maybe you could swim so far to sea you cant turn back
And finally reach Never Land
You’d never need to grow up or worry
So you never have to understand
Or bear the pain of knowledge

Yet Never Land can’t exist for you
And no matter how far you travel
Youll never find a place to tuck your suitcase away
To sit by the warmth of a stove late at night
You’ll always be out in the snow
Calling for a place to call home
You’ll never be enough and it doesn’t matter where you are that’s not going to change
You can travel the world
Abandon everyone
Push or pull them as close as you like
But they’ll never see you
You’re not enough of a person to look into their eyes

So I just wanted you too know
You don’t need to get out of bed tomorrow
No one really wants you
No where really needs you
So just sleep
Now maybe the oxygen you breath wont be a waste
And maybe on day
You’ll take the courage to grab the suitcase and go
Without a single goodbye
Or final hello
Or maybe you wont be  luggage You’ll just leave that behind
And start again
Far away

Forget who you were
Who you tried to be
So even if youre standing alone
In least you’ll be on your way to find a home

Image

Confessions

Honestly?
Honestly I can’t say.
I can’t bring myself to answer
any questions you need to ask
Because my words don’t seem real right now
I’m hoping it doesn’t last
Even though that would mean more change
and I’m still coping with the past
Which apparently I let go of long ago,
But it still breaks my heart to see its photos on the wall
to see the dust settling in its abandoned room
It still leaves me
a little bit empty
because I still cant fill the space it left behind

So right now I’m a little bit lost.
And i dont think Ive felt this way before
because before was alot darker
And I spent most of it hiding away in dark caves behind waterfalls
to weak to drink its water and to blind to see outside
it was tough
but in least I had focus
I could take the punches since I saw them coming
but right now
I get puched then feel the hit

and grains of sand feel like the size of planets
because I just feel so small
and I hope that if i find myself
ill be enough
to look someone honestly in the eye
because honestly right now I just need to get away
I just need to find a place I can call home and run away from it
and return to it
humbley a few years late
and hope im enough to let me walk through its hallways

Right now I keep running
not away fro problems
not towards the future
i just keep running
and hope that thats enough

I wanted to change and realized I was worse off
so the lower I get the harder it is to stand tall and I promise you im trying so hard
the past few months has been a silent battle ground
and before that at least I heard gunshots
so everything made sense

So Honestly?
Honestly I can’t say.
I can’t bring myself to answer
any questions you need to ask
Because my words don’t seem real right now
I’m hoping it doesn’t last
and Im hoping that dreaming will last forever
because waking up is both beautiful and painful
and it hurts to feel so alone
and trapped
and pathetic again
and if there’s any hand out there willing to pull me up
I cant accept you
im sorry
i just need to be alone
far away
Because I can get through this
even if only on the outside