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Spirited Away

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Confessions

Honestly?
Honestly I can’t say.
I can’t bring myself to answer
any questions you need to ask
Because my words don’t seem real right now
I’m hoping it doesn’t last
Even though that would mean more change
and I’m still coping with the past
Which apparently I let go of long ago,
But it still breaks my heart to see its photos on the wall
to see the dust settling in its abandoned room
It still leaves me
a little bit empty
because I still cant fill the space it left behind

So right now I’m a little bit lost.
And i dont think Ive felt this way before
because before was alot darker
And I spent most of it hiding away in dark caves behind waterfalls
to weak to drink its water and to blind to see outside
it was tough
but in least I had focus
I could take the punches since I saw them coming
but right now
I get puched then feel the hit

and grains of sand feel like the size of planets
because I just feel so small
and I hope that if i find myself
ill be enough
to look someone honestly in the eye
because honestly right now I just need to get away
I just need to find a place I can call home and run away from it
and return to it
humbley a few years late
and hope im enough to let me walk through its hallways

Right now I keep running
not away fro problems
not towards the future
i just keep running
and hope that thats enough

I wanted to change and realized I was worse off
so the lower I get the harder it is to stand tall and I promise you im trying so hard
the past few months has been a silent battle ground
and before that at least I heard gunshots
so everything made sense

So Honestly?
Honestly I can’t say.
I can’t bring myself to answer
any questions you need to ask
Because my words don’t seem real right now
I’m hoping it doesn’t last
and Im hoping that dreaming will last forever
because waking up is both beautiful and painful
and it hurts to feel so alone
and trapped
and pathetic again
and if there’s any hand out there willing to pull me up
I cant accept you
im sorry
i just need to be alone
far away
Because I can get through this
even if only on the outside

How to be human / Skyline

If I should have children I won’t raise them to be Christian, Buddhist or sihk , I wont teach them to pray to a God to help heal a sick relative or friend in need. I wont teach them that they will be rewarded if they do good and be punished if they commit a crime under the justification they are being eternally judged on the predicament of whether or not they can enter some spiritual infinity filled with either love or hate.
I wont ever teach them that.
Ill teach them to be human.
Every other label they wish to decorate themselves with, be it Muslim or Jewish, is their choice. I’d want to teach them that to help that sick relative or friend in need , the best you can do, is be kind. Show support.
Know you cant cure them. You can only acknowledge them, and that that will make them feel better. ¬†After all everything’s only for a little while.
As painful as it might be, Ill teach them that you can do all the good in the world and never be rewarded or appreciated for it, so please take the reward in the actions themselves, and that you commit as many crimes as you want and never be punished for them, but that doesn’t mean you should commit them.

My dear, I’ll say, this world is confusing and painful and filled with sacrifice, so be ready for change. Moments are more useful than the overall. They’ll abuse you and use you only to kiss your neck and hold you close but they’ll never beg forgiveness. And honestly dear, that’s beautiful.Because it means you’re alive. You’re living. And I hope you’re listening, ¬†because when you listen to someones words and actions , you’ll begin to understand them.Even if they don’t understand them self. And i cry, its OK, you can go now, I understand – there’s more you need to see.

I’ll say, darling – you will feel pain. And I’m so sorry. And if I could I would take it all away, but I just can’t so please bare with it. Please know that it will get better one day and till then prepared to feel hurt, to feel empty, to feel lost. and just learn to cope as best you can and learn to hope with all your might, because hope
helps you win a fight
But sweetheart, you’re going to get broken. And once you’ve learned how to be fixed, and when you have repaired all the shattered pieces, there’ll still be marks- but wear them as medals because you’re a survivor of a war that everyone fights, but not many win. And know that the hardest part is probably afterwards. When you’ve won.
Because chances are,
you didn’t plan anything past that.
And that’s ok. You’re only human.
But in reality, you’re so much more.

If I should have children Ill tell them to explore the sky with their soul. Ill tell them the find the stars and never let them go since those stars, are everything we are, and everything we’ll be. And all that separates us is the skyline. I wont teach them that everything they are isn’t good enough, and I wont let anyone ever teach them that either. I won’t teach them that life’s easy, but Ill teach them that its beautiful, that complexity allows simplicity to shine through and that if the light wont reach you in time when you’ve fallen down a hole, go and fine wonderland. Go on an adventure and see where it goes and don’t let anyone stop you.

If I should have children, Ill teach them how to be human, how to love, how to carry on. And if they are anything like me- they wont listen. But in least I tried and I know they’ll find out everything for them self. They’ll learn things I could never teach them, that I never knew and maybe even one day, when I’m more of memory ready to leave for never land, they’ll hold me and they’ll cry
It’s OK
You can go now
There’s more you need to see
It’s only for a while we’ll be apart
And when we look at the stars
We’ll never let them go
Because we wont ever let you go
After all, all that separates us
Is the skyline

If I should have children, Ill teach them how to be human and hope they’ll live enough to know they are so much more.

 

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Hammers And Strings

Jacks Mannequin  "Hammer And Strings (A Lullaby)" These hammers and strings Been following me around From a box filled garage To the dark punk rock clubs Of 1000 American towns And my friend calls me up She says, "how have you been?" I say, "dear I've been well, Yeah the money's coming But I miss you like hell. I still hear you in this Old piano, oh yeah." She says, "Andy, I know That we don't talk as much But I still hear your ghost In these old punk rock clubs Come on, write me a song Give me something to trust Just promise you won't let it be Just the keys that you touch." Give me something to believe in, A breath from the breathing So write it down, I don't think that I'll close my eyes 'Cause lately I'm not dreaming So what's the point in sleeping? It's just that at night, I've got nowhere to hide So I write you a lullaby A lullaby These hammers and strings Been following me around Behind passenger vans Through the snow, dirt, and sands Of 1000 American towns And my friend calls me up With her heart heavy still She says, "Andy, the doctors Prescribed me the pills. But I know I'm not crazy. I just lost my will. So why am I, why am I Taking them still?" I need something to believe in A breath from the breathing So write it down, I don't think that I'll close my eyes 'Cause lately I'm not dreaming So what's the point in sleeping? It's just that at night, I've got nowhere to hide To the sleepless, this is my reply: I will write you a lullaby, A lullaby. Give me something to believe in, So write it down, I don't think that I'll close my eyes 'Cause lately I'm not dreaming So what's the point in sleeping? It's just that at night, I've got nowhere to hide To the sleepless, this is my reply: I'll write you a lullaby A lullaby, a lullaby, a lullaby

Jacks Mannequin
“Hammer And Strings (A Lullaby)”
These hammers and strings
Been following me around
From a box filled garage
To the dark punk rock clubs
Of 1000 American towns
And my friend calls me up
She says, “how have you been?”
I say, “dear I’ve been well,
Yeah the money’s coming
But I miss you like hell.
I still hear you in this
Old piano, oh yeah.”
She says, “Andy, I know
That we don’t talk as much
But I still hear your ghost
In these old punk rock clubs
Come on, write me a song
Give me something to trust
Just promise you won’t let it be
Just the keys that you touch.”
Give me something to believe in,
A breath from the breathing
So write it down,
I don’t think that I’ll close my eyes
‘Cause lately I’m not dreaming
So what’s the point in sleeping?
It’s just that at night,
I’ve got nowhere to hide
So I write you a lullaby
A lullaby
These hammers and strings
Been following me around
Behind passenger vans
Through the snow, dirt, and sands
Of 1000 American towns
And my friend calls me up
With her heart heavy still
She says, “Andy, the doctors
Prescribed me the pills.
But I know I’m not crazy.
I just lost my will.
So why am I, why am I
Taking them still?”
I need something to believe in
A breath from the breathing
So write it down,
I don’t think that I’ll close my eyes
‘Cause lately I’m not dreaming
So what’s the point in sleeping?
It’s just that at night,
I’ve got nowhere to hide
To the sleepless, this is my reply:
I will write you a lullaby,
A lullaby.
Give me something to believe in,
So write it down,
I don’t think that I’ll close my eyes
‘Cause lately I’m not dreaming
So what’s the point in sleeping?
It’s just that at night,
I’ve got nowhere to hide
To the sleepless, this is my reply:
I’ll write you a lullaby
A lullaby, a lullaby, a lullaby